A CHANCE TO RANT #1
I've spent longer at university than I care to remember, owing tens of thousands of dollars to the government while all my friends are buying shiny new cars and getting drunk and then writing off those cars and then buying newer, shinier ones.
I've been up long into the night with a colicky horse, or a stomach torsion and then been up and chipper for morning rounds, while attempting to look like I'm not an idiot. Which I must admit is pretty hard with a perfect outline of my watch permanantly imprinted into my forehead.
I've read countless textbooks too heavy to even carry and piles of notes that make the books look like instruction manuals for your new waffle machine. Step one: open machine, Step two: put in waffle mix, Step three close and turn on, step four: open later and consume the waffle and repeat steps 1-4. Doesn't really require instructions, now does it?
I have an in-depth understanding of absolutely everything that goes on in an animal from the Krebs cycle all the way to the creation of proteins and development from a foetus. That's right, if I wanted and had the necessary tools, I could probably build an animal from the ground up like a mechanic on a car. Maybe not a dog, but I reckon I could make a perfectly good newt if given enough time.
I have experienced what it is like to have less sleep than a mother with a newborn and still managed to sneak in four hours of cartoons. And they weren't even good cartoons either, but I watched them anyway, just because I could.
I've held a dying being in my hand and kept it alive long enough to fix it.
I probably know more about your animal than you do... in fact, I probably know your animal better than you know... well, anything. Not that that's anything to be proud of, trust me, you do NOT want to know more about ANYTHING than I do about animals.
I don't want to sound arrogant, but really, what I'm getting at is-
I AM A VETERINARIAN, GODDAMN IT!
So the next time I drop something, or trip over... I will be the one to decide if it's funny.
I've spent longer at university than I care to remember, owing tens of thousands of dollars to the government while all my friends are buying shiny new cars and getting drunk and then writing off those cars and then buying newer, shinier ones.
I've been up long into the night with a colicky horse, or a stomach torsion and then been up and chipper for morning rounds, while attempting to look like I'm not an idiot. Which I must admit is pretty hard with a perfect outline of my watch permanantly imprinted into my forehead.
I've read countless textbooks too heavy to even carry and piles of notes that make the books look like instruction manuals for your new waffle machine. Step one: open machine, Step two: put in waffle mix, Step three close and turn on, step four: open later and consume the waffle and repeat steps 1-4. Doesn't really require instructions, now does it?
I have an in-depth understanding of absolutely everything that goes on in an animal from the Krebs cycle all the way to the creation of proteins and development from a foetus. That's right, if I wanted and had the necessary tools, I could probably build an animal from the ground up like a mechanic on a car. Maybe not a dog, but I reckon I could make a perfectly good newt if given enough time.
I have experienced what it is like to have less sleep than a mother with a newborn and still managed to sneak in four hours of cartoons. And they weren't even good cartoons either, but I watched them anyway, just because I could.
I've held a dying being in my hand and kept it alive long enough to fix it.
I probably know more about your animal than you do... in fact, I probably know your animal better than you know... well, anything. Not that that's anything to be proud of, trust me, you do NOT want to know more about ANYTHING than I do about animals.
I don't want to sound arrogant, but really, what I'm getting at is-
I AM A VETERINARIAN, GODDAMN IT!
So the next time I drop something, or trip over... I will be the one to decide if it's funny.
No comments:
Post a Comment