Young guy with a 6 week puppy for vaccination.
"I don't know if this is normal, or not... but... um, I'm having weird gender confusion, I don't know if I should be its mum or its dad or what..."
I.. huh?!?

The dog out the back keeps walking around in circles until its legs get tangled in its lead and it falls over. This would be funny if it wasn't so irritating.

FFS DOG! HAVE YOU NEVER WATCHED THE BATTLE OF HOTH?!!

A phone call.

"But how did my beloved Tigger die? I mean I know he was a 20 year old cat and he was emaciated and not eating or drinking because of his kidney failure, but did he have a heart attack or did he have a stroke, or what?"

I... what?

Tips for a harmonious working environment #12
When asking a colleague for help, refrain from obliviously spraying them with blood as you're trying to explain how you have this artery you just cut and it just won't stop squirting everywhere

A simple test:
If you're using the electro-cautery unit on "cut" mode, and you don't make lightsaber noises while slicing/burning straight through tissue, then there's definitely something wrong with you.

Sometimes you wish animals could communicate with you.

O: There’s something wrong with Miffy. She’s sick.
Me: Okay. What do you mean when you say she’s sick? Is she vomiting?
O: Oh, she’s just not right. Something’s wrong.
Me: Okay… is she eating? Drinking?
O: Yes, she’s eating and drinking well.
Me: Toileting? Are they normal motions and normal frequency?
O: Yes yes they’re fine.
Me: Vomiting, diarrhoea, coughing, sneezing?
O: No, none at all.
Me: She looks like she’s quite bright and responsive here. Is she lethargic at home?
O: No no, she’s quite alert.
Me: So… when you say that something’s wrong, you mean….
O: …
Me: You mean, what exactly?
O: She’s just off.
Me: So her behaviour is abnormal?
O: Yes!
Me: What is the behaviour she is displaying?
O: She’s just not right.
Me: I.. um. Can you describe an example?
O: Well, she's eating and drinking, but sometimes, she, she just doesn't seem right. Like something's wrong.
Me: Uh. Well........ clinically I can’t find anything abnormal.
O: No she’s definitely unwell.
Me: I… well, I think she’s okay, but I can run some blood tests to double check.
O: Oh, I can’t afford that.
Me: I... uhh… look I think she’s fine.
O: Can’t you just give her an injection to make her feel better?
Me: No.
O: Oh.
Me: Yep.

Sometimes you wish owners could communicate with you.

Why?
“Oh Bella, oh Bella my beautiful baby girl.”
I warned you.
“This is my fault, I’m so sorry.”
I warned you. I told you, six months ago.
“Bella, Bella, I’m sorry.”
All the apologies in the world can’t change what you’ve done.
“Mum, don’t kill her, please please please.” The kids are all screaming.
You’ve got three kids. You’ve gone through childbirth. Can you imagine it?
“This wasn’t supposed to happen, Bella.”
“Why didn’t you get her desexed?”
“I couldn’t afford it.”
“Why didn’t you bring her in yesterday when she started having trouble?”
“I couldn’t afford it.”
No, you couldn't. You can't afford to have a dog. Here's the green needle to prove it.
"I'm so sorry."
Can you imagine it? Can you imagine having a baby stuck in your birth canal for hours, endless hours, not knowing when the pain will end, while the remaining babies inside you rot and putrefy and turn to pus inside you?
“This is all my fault, this wasn’t supposed to happen, he was only twelve months old, I didn’t think it would happen.” I told you, six months ago when you had them here for a vaccination. $180 desexing then, $700 caesarian yesterday, $1000 dying dog now, and how much suffering?
And here we are now. 
"Why do you charge so much money?"
Honey, even if I can get away with not charging you any service fees, for which I will end up jobless, you still couldn't afford all the drugs and materials alone. If you couldn't afford to feed and shelter and provide medicine for two dogs and three kids then... why?
Look what you’re making me do.
Look what I freaking have to do now.
“This is all my fault.” She’s sobbing.
On a better day, when I’m not so tired, unwell, exhausted, having had four hours of sleep, and having lost three of my patients already today, ones that I desperately tried to save, perhaps I would have been more sympathetic. Perhaps I would have tried to comfort her.
But I don’t feel like lying today.
“Bella, I love you.”
You did this to your dog.
How could you do this to your dog?
The four puppies are starving, their mum hasn’t been able to feed them for hours. The owner is clueless. Could she get up every two hours to feed these puppies? To check them, stimulate them to go to the toilet, keep them warm, help them if something goes wrong?
No. No, I don't think so.
The owner, the children, and the puppies are all crying. The sounds fade to nothing as I hold the beagle’s head and look into her soulful, tired eyes. She looks as sick as I feel.
“Bella, I love you so much.”
I’ve got the needle in my hand.
Why?